DilberTism

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrowis not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make asthey go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there thefirst time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and Ithought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"
8. My reality cheque bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10.I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanutbutter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy andtaste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, thenbeat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't bepromoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of themonth than you did before.
18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry aclipboard.
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worsewill happen to you the rest of the day.
21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easilyby reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased thisline.
27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may bethe king.
28. If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.
29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted allof the time and have the time of your life.
30. When everything is coming your way......you're in the wrong lane.